Homemade oats with fresh blueberries and mango. Coffee and lions mane. More harp therapy. More conversations. Salt baths. Nose nuzzles and paw holding with other mammal species. We're almost to solstice. Almost there... You can do it.
I acquired free wooden circus rings to hang from my mezzanine so I may dangle and flip at leisure. I haven't even opened the package yet. I sometimes postpone things to give myself little treats to look forward to.
I've lost track of how many days/hours since I quit weed but I've had no trouble sleeping, no anxiety, no night sweats, no headaches. The grief is still there but no more or less than before. I'm doing a reasonable job of taking care of myself. I should be proud of myself really. If I was someone else looking at myself from the outside, I'd probably think it was impressive that I've managed to remain mostly consistent with healthy habits. No one is encouraging me to do these things. I think this might actually be the source of my strength. Self compassion is my rebellion against suck-it-up-don't-be-a-pussy culture.
I can't be a damsel in distress, because prince charmings are dying like Tammuz in my arms in an endless loop.
I alone continue saving myself every day. I am proud of her.
11:35 a.m. - 2022-12-07