Things I did this week:
Worked on my mural. The forest is more deep violet, and the black sky has more tiny stars. Painting just for myself and not for money and with no deadlines, with total freedom, feels delicious, healing, even mystical.
I always enjoyed the sensation of dragging a brush of wet paint along a smooth surface. Now I meditatively create my own world directly onto my wall while sipping cayenne-cinnamon hot chocolate and listening to music, seizing the opportunity to reunite with something that once made me very happy. This is the very therapy I need, to remember who I was before relationships. My 2023 new year resolution: I will intentionally rebuild a life that nurtures my spirit and serenity. I will choose a life I want -- instead of accepting a life that tests my sanity. I'm ready and I know I can do it. The right time has arrived and I'm no longer afraid.
Pre-solstice, I taught myself to play Il neige by Voyou on harp, by ear, entrancing myself in it's melody, adding whimsical flourishes that don't exist in the original. The haunting-yet-hopeful song tells the story of a city reborn under a blanket of snow. It’s weary citizens find renewed beauty in its mundane ugly corners, and a new, childlike wonder returns. A perfect song for winter solstice. For overcoming winter of the soul.
It's simple yet beautiful, Very French, Yann-Tiersen-ish energy. Very Amelie-watching-snow-fall-from-her-Parisian-window vibes. Very Winter 2022 piecing my life back together after loss, seeing the world with new eyes. Just the right tempo, one breath at a time, a voice for the silence caught in my throat.
I never took French so I looked up the lyrics translation and nevermind the shitty google translation, you can feel it's meaning anway :
Asleep for many months
Endormie depuis de longs mois
City we get annoyed
Ville on s'agace
when we talk about you
Quand on parle de toi
Winter has lasted too long
L'hiver a duré trop longtemps
And the passers-by
Et les passantes
Busy in your streets
Affairées dans tes rues
Don't look at you anymore
Ne te regardent plus
We don't love you anymore
On ne t'aime plus
We cross you
On te traverse
without taking the time
Sans prendre le temps
To admire your talents
D'admirer tes talents
When suddenly
Quand d'un coup miracle
It's snowing
Il neige
And by force of circumstance
Et par la force des choses
We look up to the sky
On lève les yeux au ciel
And a smile on your face
Et le sourire aux lèvres
We watch you reborn
On te regarde renaître
Under a rain of glitter
Sous une pluie de paillettes
hearts are lifted
Les cœurs se soulèvent
And in a great silence
Et dans un grand silence
We go back to childhood
On retombe en enfance
Suddenly dressed in a white veil
Soudain vêtue d'un voile blanc
City you radiate
Ville tu rayonnes
In the middle of the night
Au milieu de la nuit
Tonight you are the prettiest
Ce soir c'est toi la plus jolie
Even your trash cans
Même tes poubelles
That we didn't know the day before
Qu'on ignorait la veille
Have become faces
Sont devenues des visages
Who puke clouds
Qui dégueulent des nuages
We cross you and
On te traverse et
Tonight we take the time
Ce soir on prend le temps
To admire your talents
D'admirer tes talents
Because this miracle night
Car cette nuit miracle
It's snowing
Il neige
And by force of circumstance
Et par la force des choses
We look up to the sky
On lève les yeux au ciel
And a smile on your face
Et le sourire aux lèvres
We watch you reborn
On te regarde renaître
Under a rain of glitter
Sous une pluie de paillettes
hearts are lifted
Les cœurs se soulèvent
And in a great silence
Et dans un grand silence
We go back to childhood
On retombe en enfance
It's been cold and dark, yet solstice renewed my spirit. I have a magical heavenly floor harp in my possession with which to cure myself. I see poetry in everything, and for once I'm not being sarcastic. Everything moves me. I cry in gratitude. I'm grateful to exist, to breathe, feeling my way through life, reborn at 42. Words aren't enough to describe it, so I'm expressing it in music and art.
For solstice/new moon I did two live meditations with Goddess-centric teachers. The morning meditation was via UK, the evening meditation via India. If any time on the calendar is ideal for a rebirth and intention-setting, the darkest day and dark moon night seem well-suited, Mother Earth feels womb-like and fertile for planting seeds of positive change. It was so worth waking up for. I lit a candle and participated in conversations and was met with encouragement by women like me. It was marvelous. Definitely doing more of these in 2023.
9:12 a.m. - 2022-12-22