It's past my bedtime, but I just listened to a much needed discussion by a buddhist monk on apt topics such as suicide, the guilt it leaves loved ones with, where we go when we die, and whether it's ok to distance ourselves from "unskillful" people. (Yes, he said, it's ok. I breathed a massive sigh of relief.)
There was a phone call regarding my mom today, which is never good news. And my cat has started peeing on my new rug, even after a very thorough carpet cleaning involving borrowed deep cleaning machinery, professional detergent, and two kinds of enzyme cleaners. So that's looking hopeless. I've tried everything to avoid re-homing her but running out of options. And my tinnitus just kicked in which is my stress alarm notifying me to change topic.
My heart was bursting all week because two old friends made me feel so loved and understood, and I feel the same. The three of us are mutual friends who all went through similar things separately and now we're returning toward each other in a new way with deeper understanding and appreciation for each other. I am so grateful we have each other. I like how certain friendships have evolved over the years.
We all evolve.
Life can be uncomfortable sometimes but I enjoy the process. Sometimes I think I must have been reincarnated from someone who died a very long time ago and spent lifetimes floating around without a body to live in, because I can't take existence for granted. This is my very last life I think. I'll never be me again after this. So I'm enjoying this avatar while it lasts.
This avatar should probably sleep now though. Goodnight! <3
- 2023-03-07