i love all of them.
even though none of them individually is capable of loving me full-time, in the ways i need.
so i have chosen to love all of them.
one always fails me, and now that's okay, because another fills their space to soothe me until the other returns and decides they love me too. perhaps they leave periodically because they too love more than one, just like me.
i love them anyway.
i don't count on one these days. i love all of them.
i love them even though they aren't strong enough to be honest with about this. and perhaps me too.
i love them anyway.
i love them even when they judge me or try to control me because they just want to be near me, though they aren't whole enough to express.
i love them because i wish they were the only one, but, being human, i know they can't be.
so i love them anyway:
for their imperfections. through their disappearances and returns. despite their addictions which may be no worse than my own addiction to intimacy, if that exists. i love them for the different kinds of love they give and inspire in me. for the different ways they teach me to be better and their different ways of seeing the world. sure they may never understand me and they come and they go and they come again. and i love them all anyway, and they all love me too.
is it unethical? or is it maturity that has led to my acceptance of myself and my imperfect relationships, as well as my acceptance of them and my subsequent method of emotionally allowing them to just be who they are, happen what may?
need i leave them all as others might, just because i've discovered their truths?
well if they discover mine, they may. and that's fine. because,
i love them anyway, and another will fill their space to soothe me.
at least until they return.
and somehow they always do.
and when they do, i may just love them again. but they won't be the only one i love. no, they've each burned me enough, so i simply learned to adapt.
no, i don't want to hurt anyone, but i also don't want to feel hurt.
so i just keep loving, all of them, and protect all of their gentle yet selfish heads, and trained myself to cope accordingly.
sometimes they make me feel like i am not enough, but i forgive myself.
sometimes they break my heart, but i forgive them.
when each person i love is a fragment instead of a whole, instead of cry about it, i make a collage of fragments, and forgive them, and forgive myself, and multiply the love i give.
it may not be the romance i once sought, but i choose to love and live the only way that they have taught me. i chose to survive their mistakes against me. i choose to make my own mistakes, though time will tell whether love is multidimensional. i could be all wrong. but i love them all anyway.
2:09 a.m. - 2015-06-27