It is very late, after 4 am, and my high school crush just left my apartment. Nothing happened, though he may have wanted something to happen, but being the good chap he is, he didn't push anything more than a hug, and hours of talking, and a few drinks... and a pinky swear to see each other again. Truths were shared, mine being that I liked him romantically during years I feigned only friendship interest, and he said I was mostly to thank for him getting through difficult years. How wonderful to know.
Even more lovely was when we stopped at a neighborhood cafe/bar where several dear friends happened to spot me and hug me, quite affectionately, lifting me off the floor and swinging my body side to side like a rag doll, asking me where I've been and such. One such person was a previous HUGE crush of mine as well. So, I was sitting with a high school crush, then swept up in the hugs of a crush of a couple years ago. Crushes everywhere demanding my hugs and attention! I mean, I can't complain!
It was a good night. I have to smile about it. At nearly 35 (?!) I have quite the mojo, more so in fact than ever before. Do such things grow with age? In my case, it seems yes. Because I forgot to mention that also my cab driver flirted with me tonight, and, my other friend asked me on a date, and asked if we could make out on our date. AND. My other friend told me her friend said I'm cute and asked if I'm single.
I must be some kind of hot babe! Or summer drives men to insane levels of sexual neediness.
Yet as much as I enjoy all the attention, in honesty I have sexual interest in none of them. Truth be told, I'd rather be single, or be with a woman. But in the meantime, this is all quite fantastic for the old self esteem. I can't remember ever having this much attention when I was younger. It still continues to multiply. Apparently babe-ness increases with age and wisdom. I can surely find ways to use this to my advantage, or at the least, enjoy the flattery, to keep in my pocket for a rainy day.
I'm feeling grateful just to be who I am and be so appreciated and loved for the qualities I share with them. Thanks, life, for letting me grow into the person I've become, into a person who is loved as strongly as the secret inner desires that burn inside me. The love I feel is deserved and equally returned, and I should never take that for granted.
4:42 a.m. - 2015-08-16