I may as well admit that I am smitten, and stop focusing on the bad. He's fucking lovely. He treats me much better than I'm used to, in a sweet old fashioned way that is actually winning me over. I spend a lot of time with a stupid smile on my face. I love kissing him and just being near him, as if his skin is laced with drugs. There's a lot of gazing into each other's eyes. A lot of kissing each other's skin. A lot of talking and cuddling.
But, he's male. Is that in itself a deal breaker?
We had a mini argument and I went ahead and let him watch a tear escape when he said some ignorant things about feminism. He thinks it sounds like a bad word. I think that's precisely why we need feminism, because it's not the ism but the FEM that he associates with things like "bitchy."
He didn't want to see me sad, and we like each other way too much so we swept it under the rug and went back to kissing and cuddles. But he didn't understand, and I am getting tired of educating people who haven't educated themselves. And it makes me nervous that this is a big red flag about his views of women. But misogyny is as American as apple pie, so even women have it. He doesn't think I should shave my armpits for my friends wedding -- that's a good sign right? And he's aware about inequalities and all that, and hasn't made me feel uncomfortable in any way besides this.
Besides he could just be a temporary thing anyway so maybe it doesn't even matter.
I can't believe I'm letting this slide, but I think I will just this once. I think my best course of action in this situation is to try to approach the topic with humor. Yeah, it bothers me, but as long as everything else is good, I think I can work with it. He said I'm more woke than him. If he can identify that, that's a positive sign at least. I know how grateful I am for the patience others had with me when I was less informed of various topics. That's how I got to be woke. I didn't get here by being scolded or yelled at. I developed understanding by being GIVEN understanding.
I'm not going to fall into the trap of assuming men can't learn. And yes I know it's not my job as a woman to teach men. But, that's my choice. I've adopted pets that are a little high maintenance because the reward made it worth it, because I love them. I've taken the road less traveled even though the tourist cruise ship route would have been easier, because the hard way was more interesting. If it gets to be too much, I can always quit, and there's no shame in that.
I've abandoned people for pissing me off for the way they think, when I could have been more tolerant. I don't regret that, but I'm feeling like this is something I want to explore further. Every person is a divine spark in the universe. We're all a different part of a bigger puzzle, with different perspectives and different experiences. I'm going to allow a little room for that to exist.
11:21 a.m. - 2019-11-07