I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo glad I already had an apartment full of various herbs and tinctures before covid arrived. Ashwaghanda, Yarrow, Lemon Balm, Saffron and Kava have been awesomely helpful. Ashwaghanda for adapting to stress, yarrow for boundaries, lemon balm to prevent mild depression, saffron as a stronger antidepressant, and kava to wind down at night or eliminate anxiety when needed. If everyone else used herbs and limited their news intake, I probably wouldn't need any herbs, since the biggest source of stress has been coping with other people who aren't taking care of themselves. I hope this experience brings everyone greater resilience and teaches better coping mechanisms. I know I personally reached my limit of suffering this fall, and when I finally got sick of my own pain, it led to positive change. I reached a point where I was finally ready.
Fear of returning to that misery has been my motivator. Every day I try to be a good parent to myself. When I have blah moments, I pause, and ask myself what I need, what would help. And then I do what my wisest inner self recommends.
It's nice being surrounded by animals and plants and being mostly left alone by people. Yeah, sometimes I feel bored, but I think that's just part of getting out of the addiction to chaos. I am learning to embrace peace, to embrace gratitude, even to connect with spirituality in my own way. It takes an imagination at first. I wish I could give this feeling of emotional freedom to everyone who is feeling off balance right now. But I feel like everything I share just sounds like I'm gloating, besides, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. My chronic complainer friend STILL hasn't meditated. My depressed friend STILL refuses to take saffron for depression. My alcoholics still won't stop drinking, even though it's left their lives in ruin. We are the only ones who can save ourselves. Starting is the hardest part. But if you really want it, you CAN feel better. I promise you, I was suffering greatly before I made the decision to change. I remember wanting to die every day from the moment I woke up, and being so angry, and so resistant to anyone who tried to help. I refuse to go back to that.
Today I learned that the Kabbalists of long ago meditated every day. Just like me! I guess that's not surprising but it excited me. Learning about mysticism is a fun way to pass the time, and fulfills my need for depth and never leaves me disappointed like people often do. 10/10.
10:22 p.m. - 2020-05-23