I didn't have night terrors for 6 months in quarantine. Yesterday I saw the alcoholic, while it wasn't a negative experience at all, last night I had my first night terror in 6 months.
It could also be the nonstop war going on outside my building. It could be. The totally fruitless war between cops and civilians will only end in more bloodshed and more debt, but go off I guess. But I live in a black urban neighborhood and if I see another white armchair activist in the rural mountains say "burn it down!" I swear to Goddess. If we burn any more things down we aren't going to HAVE a neighborhood to live in. I'm for black lives matter. It's the white rage within the black lives matter movement that is really irking me. Black people have a right to say or do anything they want right now. It's their party. Non-black people, sigh, you can show support in ways that aren't taking advantage of the situation because it seems entertaining and fun, you know what I mean? No one looks crazier right now to me than the non-black people inciting violence and revolution from their home in the hills. But maybe that's just how I feel because I live right in the middle of the chaos, and my little animals are now sick because of the constant helicopters, sirens, and explosions outside day and night. Humans - on both sides - just have a thirst for violence and drama at this point.
Anyway, the dream was basically a metaphor for my own struggle to avoid getting sucked into the carnage. I dreamed there was a spooky haunted hotel with a cat in the window. "Don't look at the cat ," I was warned, or it will steal your soul. So I spent the whole dream trying to avoid acknowledging this cat who kept finding clever ways to get my attention. Until finally it was sitting on my shoulder. I was still ignoring it, trying my best not to focus on the ghost cat, but feeling it increasingly hard to focus on anything else. I woke myself up saying "HELP."
My gratitude list is gonna be real short today. I'm grateful for noise canceling headphones. I wish they made them for my animal babies so they wouldn't be so stressed while humans fight out their human nonsense outside.
8:21 a.m. - 2020-06-02