He seems to be in another of his moods, even though we slept in till 10, which I never did until he started staying here. He sits around with a scowl on his face. The breakfasts I prepared for all other days ran out so I offered to make pancakes today. His enthusiasm was absent. He wasn't interacting with me at all and his vibe is grumpy so I decided to just microwave last night's dinner for myself instead. So I already made my breakfast and coffee and he's just sitting playing video games on his phone, because he says he's tired. As if I'm not...
I bleed for a few days every time we have sex now but he still pressures me and makes me feel guilty for not having sex, which he seems to want all the time, even at risk to my own health, without regard for the stress that is obviously causing me. Feels like abuse.
Time for a gratitude list probably?
Grateful that he's not homeless, I guess... Grateful that even though I'm way more tired with him here than before he came to live with me, and my chronic pain mysteriously reappeared with his arrival, at least I am still relatively healthy. Grateful that I have enough food to share. Grateful for my sweet animals that show me love and keep me sane.
Yeah, I really wish I was living alone again. But, I agreed to this. I'm seeing it as temporary, which makes it not seem as bad. I think of all the things I'll be able to do when he's gone. Every day I take deep breaths and just do the best I can to tolerate this situation, because my government doesn't help its people, so someone has to do it.
10:41 a.m. - 2020-08-14