yesterday's brief moment of loneliness has already been replaced by gratitude that i'm alone. the boy's phone appears to have gone offline which could mean a plethora of worrisome scenarios. then again, he lost his phone every other tuesday even when he wasn't homeless, so, who even cares anymore really. it's always some insane bullshit, always another wild story, another emotional roller coaster ride. i have become profoundly hardened by this "love." what i once thought i couldn't survive, now matters to me as much as an annoying mosquito. he could be dead, and i nonchalantly made a spice blend for my coffee. shrug. i can't save people from their own self destruction. i tried that my whole life, and, surprise, it didn't work, but it almost successfully resulted in my own self destruction. and who saved me? i did. i saved me. alone.
mmm, this coffee is delicious.
Happy memories:
being a child, having dinner with both my parents, together. how nice it would be to experience that again, just for an hour, to see them both happy, in that beautiful garden restaurant on the hillside.
Today's affirmation:
i am peace.
Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of:
putting mental effort into battles that are already lost
I am grateful for:
i really appreciate how smoothly life runs without a man on my back. i've discovered how organized i am, and actually motivated. my emotions are so much easier to manage. my house is cleaner. my mind is clearer and sharper and i have time and space for hobbies again. it's peaceful and i feel safe.
The person I am becoming will experience more:
loving myself, religiously.
I accomplished:
meditated, journaled, painted, made a turmeric/golden milk spice blend for fancy morning coffees
I have an opportunity to be my future self today when I:
relax into the flow of existence
When I think about who I am becoming I feel:
grounded
9:49 a.m. - 2020-09-05