The only time I ever remember seeing my dad cry was after he divorced my mom. We were sitting at a table outside at a restaurant and music made him teary and he said my mom was a good person. For a whole year after the divorce he camped outside in nature, every night. It was his way of grieving and processing. He really did love her. I think they both really wanted to stay together forever. My mom never recovered from it and now wanders the streets destitute, somewhere. You can see why I am fearful of love. It can end in a day, and make you lose everything, including your mind. My mom's entire life makes a fabulous cautionary tale of what not to do, and her biggest failings were the result of letting men persuade her to say yes to marriage and kids when she really only ever wanted to be free. Welp. She's free now....
Feelings are so annoying. I've been having them all week, but I've been handling it in mostly healthy ways as they arise. I did yoga again. I'm trying.
Life. You know.
2:15 p.m. - 2020-10-14