Yesterday I dreamed my dad was angry or upset. I can't remember the details, but throughout the dream he was very bothered by something. It had been a while since we last talked, so last night I texted him to ask how he's doing. "Not well," he said. (This is a very unusual response for him. I don't think he's ever texted me that reply.)
That made me worry, so I called him. His mood was just like in my dream. He said for the last three days he'd been "feeling too much" and "sensing the outside." He said he needed to vent and I listened. He was just very stressed, about financial things, the economy, climate change, politics, racism, sexism, covid and covidiots... Honestly his frustrations were completely valid and he was describing the way we've all been feeling. My poor dad. I hope I made him feel a little better.
These psychic dreams of mine shouldn't surprise me anymore but they still do. He also seems to always sense when I'm not feeling well, because I always receive a text at the exact moment when I'm crying. He always knows. I have dreams like these about everyone close to me who I care about, but I think most especially my dad, and he's also the only one who actually mutually returns the intuition and concern. I think my dad is a shaman. :D Really though. He's a uniquely sensitive one, more in touch with nature than anyone I've ever known, and exceedingly gentle and nurturing for a male. I think part of the reason I have such trouble with men is because they usually seem so brutish and tone deaf compared to my more civilized and harmonious dad. And I expect men to be at LEAST as decent as my dad, if not better.
When I think back on my childhood, my dad took on the bulk of the "maternal" roles, maybe because my mom was always sooo preoccupied with my half brother. My dad toilet trained me. My dad was the one who fed me and stayed awake with me when I had nightmares or couldn't sleep. My dad brought me to work with him since I was very very small, and basically raised me like a son, teaching me a male-dominated occupation and often praising me by saying I was more capable than his male employees. It was my dad who made breakfast and half the lunches and dinners and desserts, and it was my dad who drove me to school every morning. My dad took me to the park, my dad carried me on his back when he rode his bike, and my dad helped me with homework. I don't want to make it sound like my mom didn't do anything because she contributed in totally different ways that were also important, and giving birth is no small task, but I don't think she especially enjoyed the mother role, and I can't really blame her for that, because it's not something I'd want either, in this timeline.
Anyway, I'm proud of the dad I have, especially when he was complaining about white supremacists and sexism in the white house. Superb. I never need to explain anything to him, and neither of us have ever needed to lecture each other, so I'm really grateful for that. Overall, I think I got pretty lucky on the dad front. He's good people, or at least really really tries his best. I appreciate that.
8:41 a.m. - 2020-11-15