For some reason my hazy dreams come back to my memory again in the evening before bed.
Last night I had a sort of weird uncomfortable dream that I was in a mall but everything was closing soon, and there were impending food shortages. My parents had already left and my mom was mad at me, so I was like whatever and sped walked to the food court looking for anything still open with food. I think I ended up ordering a brownie.
The mall was weird because its a recurring dream location I sometimes go to that I don't think I've ever been to in real life. The parking lot is outside of the food court which is circle shaped with very tall ceilings and an escalator, all the way at the end of the mall.
This is unrelated but I haven't been this cautious since I was a teenager. My life did the opposite of most people. I was an adventurous child, very good and studious from teenhood till my mid twenties or so, then became adventurous again in my later twenties and even wilder in my thirties. Now I feel like I'm experiencing my second high-school-me, where I don't much want to partake in the risky behaviors of my peers, or have anything to do with boys beyond friendship. This year all I seem to ever want is quality conversations, if that, and mostly I prefer to read and choose the life I think is smart, while others go off the rails. Maybe it's a sort of regression, but I always felt I was so much smarter in high school, and I feel like I got a lot of my craziness out of my system already. I may as well have lived 40 lifetimes already, I traveled to more than half as many countries, I really threw myself fully into every adventure and did everything I really wanted to do. So I'm mostly content staying home and mitigating risk.
My favorite bathtime reading book keeps making me cry every time, in the best way. I'm so glad I joined that book club.
Yeah, I do miss some friends and certain activities. But I'm not too worried. I'm sure we'll see each other again under safer circumstances before too long. I am certain things will slowly improve after winter. And if not then well, I'll survive either way!
6:41 p.m. - 2020-11-15