I'm tired of feeling like a victim and replaying in my head all the things I'd like to tell the two people who abused my generosity this year, but knowing it'd be pointless to do so, because it's just the way they are and they won't change, and being in this endless loop of feeling betrayed and disappointed, by people who probably didn't even (necessarily) intend to be shitbags, it's just that they're emotional children with a bunch of trauma and I was caught in the crossfire of their battle with themselves.
Also tired of being responsible while others are being reckless, traveling, not wearing masks, partying and being stupid and selfish while people are literally dying because of them. That's a real eye opener, isn't it.
So it's pms lockdown tequila and juice time. May this drink soften my hurt. I know it's normal to feel sad, but I still hate it and can't wait till this feeling passes so I can go back to feeling strong all the time. Even strength needs time to rest sometimes. Maybe this drink will help me cry so I can purge this bullshit pain from my soul.
It feels like defeat to do what everyone else has succumbed to, to drown my sorrows. It feels weak, but I will accept it today. I don't have much liquor left anyway so this is probably the only drink I'll have.
I raise a glass to the assholes. May they meet justice befitting their crimes. And may I meet no more assholes.
3:31 p.m. - 2020-12-28