still tired, but not as much as yesterday. my cat is going on vacation at my ex's house so she can get all her energy out playing with his cat. she's been having behavioral problems like crazy this week. i don't know what's going on. maybe she's sick of me. i hope her vacation helps. it's weird how she suddenly started attacking me, even when i'm just sitting still. i sometimes have that affect on people too. :/ maybe i have a mentally ill cat.
welp.
grateful she has a place to go to with another cat to play with so that we can both get a break. grateful that i'll hopefully get to sleep in while she's gone, which she doesn't normally let me do. grateful i rediscovered my favorite sweatshirt i'd forgotten about. grateful for the feeling of clean washed hair and for the present silence.
today i'd like to work up the motivation to make donuts or muffins, and dance a little. i'm hangry all the time for baked dessert but i don't have any, and can't make up my mind which recipe to use.
today i could go for some good sex with a partner i'm completely comfortable with who won't cum too fast. alas, covid, and the fact that i only know one such person like that but he's high risk and also terrible for my mental health, so sexual fulfillment won't be happening any time soon. i had sex twice in an entire year. T W I C E . it's madness, but i seem to still be alive. my pussy didn't implode or anything, at least as far as i know.
i miss bowling. and skating rinks. and picnics. and road trips. i could probably do the latter two with some careful planning, but not sure it's worth the risk, even if the risk is minor. better to wait for the vaccine.
bit sad today, but tolerably so. it's gray and cloudy outside and i've been alone a pretty long time with almost no communication with anyone. am i crazy yet? not sure. i've got no one around to judge whether that's the case. if i am insane, at least i know i'm not affecting my friends or family with it, and it's not impairing my ability to function, since nothing in the whole world is functioning currently anyway. ha. i guess this could all be an elaborate hallucination where i think i'm typing in my laptop in bed but in reality i'm a crackhead talking to myself in the street. well, i am basically talking to myself... but psychology says journaling is a healthy coping mechanism, so...
2:07 p.m. - 2021-02-09