I need a new hobby or something...
Today I cooked which means it was a productive day, despite having edibles twice today. (Or was it thrice?) See what happened was... there was an amazing sale, so I stocked up. To get through fire season. And then winter... It's helping me sleep better and tolerate the air being full of smoke.
Still browsing houses, but imagining actually living there makes me stressed, despite all the benefits? I don't even know why I'm looking then. I tell myself I'm collecting information so that I can make a better decision. Or that THE house will magically appear one day if I continue diligently searching. It feels like the lottery. Maybe I'll never find everything I'm looking for.
Grateful today for the good food I cooked, and for my air filter. NOT grateful that I accidentally laundered my expensive noise canceling earbuds this week! But it's still on warranty so I can probably get it replaced somehow.
I'm so boring now and it mildly upsets me.
I MUST find whatever happened to the girl I used to be who would constantly be busy in her room painting, collaging, finding endless new art projects to do out of thin air, and finding so much pleasure in it. I still do creative things but not in the same ways. I don't know why it matters.
I may see some music friends in the forest tomorrow if I don't wake up to an orange sky. I really need to do something normal for a day, with humans I care about.
I miss the Alcoholic. I don't feel right when too much time passes without being together. It's been a couple months I think, and I'm starting to feel it now. I'm the one who hasn't wanted to see him because of his high risk job and my useless half vaccinated ass. I can wait, but I'm human and I need hugs every now and then, to feel human. I'm not sure if covid tests are accurate enough to assuage my fears. But it's an option if I feel myself start to go crazy.
Or maybe it's already too late for that. Sanity is overrated anyway.
9:56 p.m. - 2021-08-21