My mentally ill half brother decided to message me this week. I tried to ignore it but then he messaged again a few days later, and then messaged my friend when I didn't respond. :/ She knows very well what I deal with since she used to date him.
It was the same as always, him freaking out about my mom, coming to me to save him as if I am his substitute mom, which I definitely am not. I have the same predicament with our mother, but I manage without crying to him about it because he obviously can't help. Neither of us can do anything to change the way things are.
Maybe he thinks I'll magically fix her. I can't. Reality sucks and some things we just have to accept. But his email made me cry and made me remember why I keep my distance from both him and my mom. To protect my mental health from theirs.
He abandoned his own children and refused to pay child support so why does he hold our mom to a higher standard than he can achieve as a parent? Let go of her tit already and let her be... You're in your 50s dude. You're crazy, so just let her be crazy too. Focus on your own life. Leave us alone.
His wife left him again. I had to block her too because every time he had an episode she'd leave dramatic embarrassing PUBLIC messages on my social media trying to reach me to deal with his tantrums. Maybe she finally realized the effect he was having on her mental health and figured out why me and my dad walked away.
My mom. I don't know. At some point I think I just accepted it as a thing in my life that is tragic. It just is. Things like that happen in life. So, without a parental foundation all I can do is focus on myself to make sure I don't take the same road my mom did. If I'm 50% her, I can help at least half of her live the life she wanted. I can keep myself healthy and sane.
I remember everything she said and everything that caused her misery and I'm determined not to let her suffering be in vain. I do that by learning from her mistakes. And my brother's mistakes, too.
I know one day they'll die and that will weigh on me. But it weighs on me now so what's the difference? They're extremely triggering and I reached a point where I didn't want to watch their downward spiral anymore. I had to save myself and hope from afar that they'll save themselves too someday. But I doubt it.
2:10 p.m. - 2021-08-23